Confessions of a Smiler

Hello. My name is Daleian and I’m a smiloholic.

I tell you to stay away from me in a nice and cute way.

Let’s start with my story. I smile when I want to and when I don’t. I smile when I should and when I don’t know what to do or say. For me it is a defense mechanism and laughing is my favorite hobby. That being said, it can also be extremely harmful.
Sometimes I feel people think I’m naive or innocent because I don’t talk a lot and I smile more than I should. Do you know what I really am? A smiler!
According to my own dictionary, a smiler is someone who smiles for a living. For good and for bad, me and my smile are married for life.

I don’t have a lot of personal relationships and I don’t open myself easily so, smiling is at the same time my way of expressing I’m not a bad person and the route I take to let them know that I don’t have a lot to say.
Smiling is supposed to make you feel better and work as an empathy mechanism. In reality, it gets me out of awkward situations.
Most of the time I’m not comfortable enough with people to have a quick comeback and answer in a funny way or respond with funny comments so I smile and hope for the best. This can lead me to watch that moment over and over in my mind later and think of the amazing things I didn’t say. You can call it introversion but I call it stupidity.

Yes, stupidity. The fact that I don’t know how to behave in social situations in ways that are different than smiling is stupid.

I feel bad about it but I’m helpless. I am the way I am and that doesn’t make me less of a person. I just wish I had practiced more when I was younger and I could be braver to do it now.
Hearing about your mom having cancer and still being able to smile may sound awful, cold and insensitive. Maybe I am. It also may sound like I’m being strong for both of us. Maybe I am.
It’s not difficult for me to smile when I’m sad because it’s automatic. When I’m fighting back tears it becomes harder but not impossible.
So I choose to show my smile instead of my vulnerability. I choose to be a smiling rock instead of a crying feather. I am the way I am.
So if you are a smiler too, remember it’s ok. It’s ok to keep smiling through life. It’s ok to smile every time you want to and every time you need to. It’s ok to be a smiler.
Smile away little bird!

2 thoughts on “Confessions of a Smiler

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