I firmly believe that cats are the most awesome thing known to humankind and the greatest source of entertainment in the world. Therefore, in the small amount of time when he isn’t stealing ham or steaks, my cat is my lord.
I created a few guidelines that I wish I had read 11 years ago. I call this a quick manual for the cat lover seeking for his or her cat’s attention.
1. Give him all the food he wants, when and where he wants it.
Let’s start off by saying that cats love food, probably more than anything else you can give them. Take advantage of that by fulfilling his/her wishes whenever they ask for it.
2. Pet him whether or not he wants to be petted.
Don’t believe him when he starts growling and scratching you. He still wants your hands all over his belly.
3. On the same note, let him scratch on every surface available.
Provide enough space for him to get his nails sharp. He will appreciate you more when your couch is full of marks and practically disintegrating.
4. Forbidden all other animals from entering because he is the true king of the house.
Don’t be affiliated with the enemy. Keep other species, especially dogs, at ten feet away at all times.
5. Never, and I mean NEVER let him alone.
He needs to feel your scent and breath as you hover above him in all rooms of his kingdom. Only this way will he keep you in his heart.
When he finally decides that you are capable of being a pillow, that your legs can serve as a bed and your computer is his stepping stone to your lap, you know he truly loves you.
…Or just stick to plain old rules, love and games.