let go

As you grow up you start to realize that cutting people out of your life is ok. Sometimes this happens on its own, but on other occasions you have to do it yourself.
These decisions are permanent and they don’t need to come from a vindictive place. Most of the times they are a loving and caring way to secure your own happiness and well being. It doesn’t make you a horrible person. It makes you better for everyone around that still appreciates you.

It’s hard to say goodbye to years of close friendship, to hundreds of memories… but it’s also hard to keep feeling like crap because this is no longer a friendship: is work.

It is normal for friends to argue or stay mad for a while. It is not ok for friends to loose interest on other friends’ lives. Then you stop being a friend and you’re just an acquaintance.
This is the hardest part: to know when someone is no longer your friend.

Once you accept that there is nothing you can do, move on without regret.

I wrote this for an old friend. Call it my goodbye letter…
“I used to love you. I used to stand by you and your decisions. I used to be by your side and help you through everything that was bad.
I kept defending your choices, I kept trying to make you see ahead. Maybe you didn’t need that.
I like to think we grew up together, learnt together, lived each other’s lives. There is a part of me in you and a part of you in me, forever.
But time made our eyes look in different directions. Time turned us into different human beings.
I can’t be your friend now. I’m not capable of changing back and neither are you.

I cherish our memories together and I wouldn’t change them.
But if we met today, would we like each other? Would you stand by my side and defend my choices? Would you love me?

I always tried to see and understand you as you really were but somehow there was always this filter that made you look at me and see some kind of Bad Witch to your Snow White.
I can’t live with your jealousy anymore. I can’t be your competition when I don’t even know what game we’re playing. I didn’t sign up for this.

I didn’t excuse your lack of compassion because I wasn’t sad: I looked the other way because I hoped you would see what I saw. Treating your friends like your enemies is not right.
I’m not a bad person but you make me question my own motives and I refuse to let someone turn me against myself.

I admit I started to drift away and part of this is my fault too but between being a bad friend or nothing at all I would choose the latter every time. And I won’t wait any longer for someone who sees me as someone I’m not.

I wish you the best. I hope you lose your fear of being alone. I hope you’ll stop chasing guys that don’t deserve you. I hope you’ll see past them and their problems and start focusing on your real friends. The ones that you kept on pause while you looked for someone better, cooler.

You are a good person and I really wish you happiness.

But I hope you understand I can’t do this anymore. I quit.”

Daleian*

9 thoughts on “let go

  1. What a beautiful and relatable post. I have cut a few people out of my life over the years, and always felt guilty about it. I thought that maybe I should have tried harder, be more understanding, or simply look the other way when they did things I found awful. But you are so right, people change, and we don't always grow together – we sometimes grow apart.
    Thanks for posting this!!

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  2. I think that is so true! We learn from all of our experiences and it gets easier to notice what is adding to our life and what isn't! Thank you for sharing! πŸ™‚

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  3. It is so, so hard to cut people out of your life. I've had to many times and I always try and tell them why. Sometimes they didn't even care. And then, there was one person who cut me out. I had told them a few months prior that I couldn't do it anymore. (Former boyfriend, was my best friend too) And they had begged me to stay in their life and that they needed me. And against my better judgement, I did. I cared. Too much. And then they cut me out a couple months later with no explanation. Just I can't, don't contact me, I blocked you on everything. I was in shock. I was in pain. A year and a half later it still hurts a little when I think about it. The fact that they didn't think I was worth an explanation after years of friendship as well as a relationship. But I'm also glad they are gone. My point is. It hurts to do it. But at least you gave an explanation and that says a lot.

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  4. Unresolved issues are the worst. We keep thinking “what if” or “why”.
    Maybe they didn't know how to talk to you. Not that that's an excuse but it explains it a little. Some people are always scared of honesty or confrontation.
    But it seems you're better off now, and that's what matters! Thank you for sharing! πŸ™‚

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